Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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