The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We're too hungover to prance.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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