I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm always down for nudity.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
