how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
