Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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