My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
