dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize