If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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