did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
