if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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