Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
