Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
