you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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