Where did you get a picture of my penis
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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