First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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