he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Mom said you looked used
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
