Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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