i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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