ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
