Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
