I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Use "feeling words"
Yay
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
