I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
