it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
