I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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