She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
