Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
