I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My liver just had a heart attack.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
