Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I touched a dick in church today
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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