but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize