Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize