im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
