Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
