forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
