I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
