I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
