nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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