there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
