When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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