Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
