so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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