If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
