i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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