She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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