I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize