Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize