I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
