I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
