Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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