the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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