lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
