My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
