So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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