Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
pray to the hookup gods
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
