You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
