don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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