he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
