I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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