butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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