Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
