Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
