She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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