I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
